All subtle relations and countless meetings and partings amongst people are phenomena of affinity. It is affinity that brings people together no matter how distant they are apart, and it is the lack of it that they miss each other even when they encounter face to face. Family members, husbands and wives, parents and children, brothers and sisters, lovers, classmates, colleagues and even passengers in the same car are people who have shared certain connections in their lives. We call this "affinity".

Affinity can be short or long-lasting, good or bad. With good affinity, people are congenial and enjoy talking to each other without reserve. With bad affinity, people find it difficult to communicate and understand each other's feelings, as the saying goes: "With no affinity, a brief conversation of half a sentence is already too much".

Then, what is affinity? Actually, no words can describe affinity. It can only be felt. People believe that what will come will come, and what will go will go, and no one can stop something from happening. Then what is the driving force behind it? Of course, people may have different opinions. However, in the Buddhist perspective, one's life is impacted by one's karma and affinity.

When people find their soulmates, they always feel they are brought together by a powerful force. This is especially true for people who fall in love at first sight. They have a strong feeling that they are destined to be together. It seems that it is somehow arranged and designed in time and space for two people in different places and from different backgrounds to come together in an encounter they cannot even escape. It is like a magnet which draws people together for a lifetime.

In the Buddhist perspective, the relationship of a married couple in this life is a continuation of their affinity from previous life. Of course, their relationship can be either congenial or abominable. In a congenial relationship, the couple are like old friends; they respect and appreciate each other; and they share happiness and woe together. In an abominable relationship, they are like enemies; they argue over the slightest matter; they blame each other for everything; and they regret being together. Spousal relationship is a very complex causality. Only when couples are considerate and forgiving will they live harmoniously together to share joy and sorrow.

A perfect marriage, for many people, is to fall in love at first sight and then have a loving and lasting relationship together. However, some people have their loved one leave them despite their complete devotion. This is affinity without desirable ending. In this case, what is the causality?

A touching story in Buddhism explains vividly the intricate interplay of affinity and causality. There was a scholar who had made arrangement for a wedding, but his fiancée decided to marry another person in the end. He could not handle the disappointment. He fell ill and was not able to recover. His life was hung by a thread. At this time, a monk passed by and heard about the scholar's misery. He made a trip to the scholar. He showed him a magic mirror in which the scholar saw a murdered woman lying naked on the beach. First came a person who took a glance at her, then shook his head and left. Then came another person who saw her and covered her with his clothes and left. Then there was a man who heard of the dead body on the beach. He immediately came to dig a hole and carefully buried her.

The mirror then showed the scene of the wedding of the scholar's fiancée and another man. The monk explained, "The dead body on the beach is the previous life of your fiancée and you are the person who covered the body with his clothes. Your fiancée fell in love with you in this life to return the favour. The person who buried her is her current husband, to whom she pays back with the rest of her life."

Hearing this, the scholar finally understood the relationship between affinity and causality. We always say, "If it belongs to you, nobody can take it away; if it is not yours, you won't get it no matter how hard you try." With this revelation, the scholar learned to let go, and he was cured without any treatment.

In our lives, we see some people having very good relation with others. They are suave and smooth in their relationships with relatives, classmates, colleagues and teachers. Because of this quality of theirs, they find it easy to accomplish whatever they do, as if they got divine help from above. It is because they love making friends and are also willing to share credits and fortunes with others. On the contrary, some people are very unpopular and nobody wants to work with them. This creates obstacles in whatever they do, making them feeling very disgruntled and alienated from society. These people share a common characteristic that they are selfish and stubborn, not willing to give and profiting at other people's expense. Life is short. We should cherish every moment of our experience with others. We should be mindful and live in the moment, be generous and kind. With true love, we can turn enemies into friends. At the same time, we learn and grow together with appreciation, respect and forgiveness.

Affinity is a motivation and an expression of appreciation for mutual love and support. If we understand the causality of affinity, we will be able to face and accept reality and even change it. We will be awakened to the importance of developing good affinity, and the concept that everything happens for a cause. This is the Buddhist concept of Dependent Origination: "All phenomena are interdependent and intrinsically empty." Nothing comes into existence by itself alone; it takes a combination of many conditions, as it is stated in the Heart Sutra: "Form does not differ from voidness, and voidness does not differ from form. Form is voidness and voidness is form."